Inspiration for the today

Many people go
from one thing to another
searching for happiness
but with each new venture
they find themselves more confused and less happy
until they discover what they are searching for is inside themselves
and what will make them happy is
sharing their real selves with the ones they love
-Susan Polis Schutz

School

School is beginning and all of my friends are leaving. It makes me sad, but it also will give me time to focus on my school work and my work. I am also working a part time weekend job to go along with my life skills work. Then with beginning school I will definitely have my hands tied. I am nervous for classes because so far I have not done well in school. I am usually excited for about a week then it goes to not wanting to do it at all. But it should be different this time because I am taking classes I am very interested in learning about. But either way next Wed. is the big day.

Update

Sorry I have not written much lately. I will try to be better about that. I absolutely love my job. It has taught me a lot about myself. It is requiring me to commit a lot of my time to this job even outside of work. I am learning patience and compassion. I am working in life skills class and it is amazing.

Another Step Forward

I begin my new job tomorrow morning 8:30 AM. I am so nervous I have made myself sick over it. I have no idea why. Maybe because this is an important professional job. But at the same time I am wonderfully excited about it! Wish me luck. I am so excited about the direction I am heading. I so badly want time to go quicker so I can reach my goals but I know that the in between time will teach me everything I will need to know.

My Daily Struggles

My recovery is an on going daily struggle. I spend each day striving to better myself and thinking through each decision I make. I was hired today for an amazing job that is putting me in the direction toward a healthy and successful life. I am so excited to really begin this journey. I am scared because going to school and working full time with another part time job will tie me down, and I don't even want to think about a social life. This is scary but I know if I work really hard now it will soon pay off. And not only with the financial success but the emotional success too.

Instead of trying so hard to be different, make a difference and you will stand out more!

Once I returned home from recovery it was difficult for me to adjust to the idea of everyone still doing what they always do. I suppose I was expecting the world to stop what they were doing since I had to put down everything and go into recovery. I was off to a slow start, because I was unsure where I was going to fit in. I was going to a small town where everyone knew what had happened. I was nervous to learn how people would treat me and if people would want to talk about it, because I surely did not. It took me awhile to figure out where I was going in life too. I wanted so badly to be successful and did not know how without giving up everything I believed in. I learned that I did not have to change myself from wanting to be different I just had to turn it into something meaningful and important and show my difference in a way that was not rebelling in attitude or style, but by showing what i can and will do in order to make a difference. Now I am planning to go to school study human behavior/ human services and go into addictions counseling so I can help those who are given that last chance to find success.

The First Step

At the end of May 2007 I was sick and alone. I mean I had my so called "friends" but I was without anyone who cared if I was dying or ruining my life. My best friend from high school showed up at my house and told me she wasn't going to let me ruin my life. So she told my parents. When I talked to them they said they couldn't make me get help but they were going to be at my door as soon as I asked. I was scared, frustrated, sick, and angry. I knew I was unable to defeat this addiction on my own. So I asked for help, and three hours later they were at my door with a trailer, packed up my apartment, and took me home. I kicked the addiction at home cold turkey. It was the worst thing I have ever done. It hurt so bad mentally and physically, because the cocaine make your brain crazy and heroin make your body hurt like hell. One week later I admitted myself into a drug and alcohol addiction hospital. I had been preparing myself for a week to go in but once it was time to go I was scared to death. I didn't want to go spend 3 weeks with a bunch of strangers while I am trying to recover from an addiction. But after being there for a few hours I was at home. These people were just ordinary people with problems. We were no different. For once in my life everyone was the same. We were all there for the same reason, and it made me feel more confident.